Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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