you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My penis needs a shock collar
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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