You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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