The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
