I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You smell like stripper and shame
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
