I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
