my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
