I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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