i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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