it hurts more in the daytime
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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