overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
