had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
