Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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