im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
