we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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