Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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