I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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