I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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