We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
