how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
