Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
