So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
