Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
