How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
