Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
