This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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