Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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