Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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