Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
