she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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