His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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