bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize