that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
