And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
