Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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