I bet he comes in French.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
