It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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