So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
