I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
