Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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