I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
