I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
