She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
