If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
