hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
