He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
