just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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