Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
