my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
