good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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