We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
