I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The power of my boobs compel you
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
