Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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