if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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