i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
