you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
